Sunday, August 23, 2015

Parsnip Pancakes - vegan and paleo coexisting in your pie hole

Who says pancakes can't be savory? And who says something can't be vegan and paleo at the same time? These pancakes use no animal products (making them vegan) and contain only vegetables and seeds and no dairy (making them paleo). But really, veganism  and paleo are both ideologies that I consider to great for some, but not for all.  Keep that in mind as you read this, or you will think I'm a big fat hypocrite at the end of this recipe.

1/2 cup ground flaxseed
1 cup water
1/2 tsp salt
1 pound parsnips
1/2 cup carrots
1 jalapeño 
3/4 cup green onion
1/4 cup coconut oil

Optional: Heat your oven to a warm 215 degrees to keep your pancakes hot while you cook.
Mix the salt, flaxseed and water together until it becomes a gummy, sloppy goop. Let it sit while you do the next thing. 
Dice your jalapeño and slice the green onion. Do NOT rub your eyes. On second thought, maybe you should chop the green onions first!
Shred your parsnips and carrots in a food processor (I use a Cuisinart with a grater blade). Or you can use a cheese grater and hate life while you rub your knuckles raw and cuss. Once you are done, set it aside for a second while you start heating a pan over medium heat.
Mix your vegetables in with your flax goop. Put some of your coconut oil stash into the pan and wait for it to melt. Now you are ready to spoon in half-fist size portions of mixture. Cook until you feel like it is golden and crispy on the bottom, then flip and do the same thing on the other side. Keep extras hot in a warm oven.
Serve any way you like, but in the picture I used goat cheese and tossed arugula and hemp seeds in a Bragg's ACV and olive oil vinaigrette. I guess the pancakes I ate today were neither vegan nor paleo. But they were nutritious and delicious. So there's that.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Brussels Sprouts to Bacon: "I'm leaving you."


Now that bacon made Brussels sprouts cool, everybody and their hipster mom are eating them at trendy restaurants. But what if you don't have time or bacon to make them the new, cool way? Hold on to your handlebar mustache (and push your thick-rimmed glasses up your nose, passively showing off your cool outline-of-an-arrow forearm tatto) this recipe's for you. And it's damn tasty!

Ingredients
1 pound Brussels sprouts
1/4 cup sun-dried tomatoes, chopped
1/4 tsp or salt to taste
1 tbsp. ghee or coconut oil
1/2 teaspoon sage, chopped, crumbled, powdered or however you like.

Chop the butts off your Brussels sprouts.
Next, begin preheating a large skillet on the range at medium heat.
In a Cuisinart with the slicer blade, slice the Brussels sprouts. If you don't have a Cuisinart food processor, get married. People give you stuff. If you are already married but without the right kitchen stuff, how are all the crystal vases working out for you?
Add the ghee or coconut oil to the pan. When it is melted, add the Brussels sprouts.
Stir occasionally. When the color starts getting a little brighter, stir in the sun-dried tomatoes and sage. Salt at the very end of cooking, when the bright green color has started to fade a little. The Brussels sprouts should be tender and ready to be plated.

Enjoy your new life, Brussels sprouts. Bacon is delicious, but also kind of a douche.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Green smoothie with a kick in the pants

I'm not going to be wordy today, but here's a high-protein green smoothie that tastes halfway decent without using a crap-ton of fruit.

8 oz. flax milk
4-5 ice cubes
1 cup frozen organic kale
2 scoops vanilla Dairy Free FastFuel or 1 scoop Vega One
1 tsp. spirulina
1 tsp. Bragg's apple cider vinegar
1/4 cup sunflower seeds or hemp hearts
1 tsp. maca root

Blend. 
Drink and enjoy the fact that you have added protein, nutrients, and a hormonal boost to your day.