Brussels Sprouts to Bacon: "I'm leaving you."

Now that bacon made Brussels sprouts cool, everybody and their hipster mom are eating them at trendy restaurants. But what if you don't have time or bacon to make them the new, cool way? Hold on to your handlebar mustache (and push your thick-rimmed glasses up your nose, passively showing off your cool outline-of-an-arrow forearm tatto) this recipe's for you. And it's damn tasty!

Ingredients

1 pound Brussels sprouts

1/4 cup sun-dried tomatoes, chopped

1/4 tsp or salt to taste

1 tbsp. ghee or coconut oil

1/2 teaspoon sage, chopped, crumbled, powdered or however you like.

Chop the butts off your Brussels sprouts.

Next, begin preheating a large skillet on the range at medium heat.

In a Cuisinart with the slicer blade, slice the Brussels sprouts. If you don't have a Cuisinart food processor, get married. People give you stuff. If you are already married but without the right kitchen stuff, how are all the crystal vases working out for you?

Add the ghee or coconut oil to the pan. When it is melted, add the Brussels sprouts.

Stir occasionally. When the color starts getting a little brighter, stir in the sun-dried tomatoes and sage. Salt at the very end of cooking, when the bright green color has started to fade a little. The Brussels sprouts should be tender and ready to be plated.

Enjoy your new life, Brussels sprouts. Bacon is delicious, but also kind of a douche.