How to quit and stay off heroin

It's been ten years since the last time I got high. It seemed like something that could never be done, and living a day without heroin seemed like its own slow, painful death. So how did I change my life when change was so unthinkable? I'll tell you in a minute, my friend.

I have a confession to make. I don't believe that addiction is a disease. I think it is a symptom. It is the result of something else. Unhappiness, stress, disconnection, chemical or hormonal imbalances - a sort of silent trigger if you will. 

This trigger leads to the body's recognition of those things and the reactive urge to jolt itself back into something closer to its natural equilibrium. Seratonin low? Guess what helps you release it fast? Drugs, of course. Quickly and efficiently, serotonin levels are up, and everything is ok (for now). The body always takes the path of least resistance (like a river), and because drugs or alcohol or food or sex or something else help release what it needs, that is the go-to from now on. The body needs to survive moment to moment, there is no big-picture hard wired into the human survival instinct.

I was told I have a disease, and I tried to believe it. The idea of talking about a disease I had made me want to KILL myself so I wouldn't have it anymore. But I was aware of my human survival instinct, and the fact that being in rehab is what you do when you are trying to stay alive. So I decided not to attend any 12 step meetings after a while. But the rest of the rehab program I figured I'd roll with it and see what happened. Here are some of the things I did that helped me change my life.

Establish a support system

My support system was really small at first, just my girlfriend, my brother, my sister-in-law, my boss at work, and my band mates. Eventually it grew, but that core group of people had my best interests in mind and never let me out of their sight. The faces in my support system have changed over the years, with the only constant being my girlfriend, who is now my wife. But that network of people has grown drastically, and now includes many friends, relatives, clients and coworkers, all of whom have my back and my best interests at heart.

Get professional help

A history of many failed attempts at kicking the habit made me realize that I needed a crutch, and I entered an opioid replacement therapy program. It was not the first time I had been in a program like this, but somebody told me once that every time you quit something, you get that much better at quitting - even if you are unsuccessful.

While I was in treatment, I had a few different counsellors. Some were good, some were not so good. One in particular was great. I would come in with some outlandish story or a problem, and she always found a way to make me realize how each element of what I was talking about could relate back to my motivation for getting clean and the color behind my urges to self-sabotage. 

But even the not-so-great counsellors I had were helpful, even if the only purpose they served was to make me realize that I had to get a better counselor. Realizing something simple like that was proof that I wanted to fight for myself. 

Cut off contact

My brother took my phone, because duh. All calls to my house were screened by my brother and sister-in-law, who I lived with. There are a lot of people who I never spoke to again after I got clean. 

During the last year of my using drugs, I had accidentally become a drug dealer. I say accidentally because it was not a conscious decision. It was more like, "well since I'm headed to go get drugs, I might as well see if anybody needs anything while I'm there." After a while, I bought in bulk and kept some extra around that I sold for a small profit. It just made sense to make a little money. BTW, all of the money I made went back into drugs.

After I got my phone back, people would still call and ask for me, and I had to shut off my phone because of it. About a year into my treatment, one of my old junkie friends tried to reach out on MySpace, which was totally a narc move. I never responded.

Cut off cash flow

My girlfriend literally froze my check card in a plastic cup of water in her freezer. I also handed over any tips I got working at the coffee shop to her till we could go to the bank together and deposit them. Anything I needed to pay for was done with checks, which were kept under lock and key or by withdrawing money at the teller window.

Don't drive

I handed over the keys to my beloved Volvo, which was put up on blocks in the driveway of my brother's house. A few months later, I decided to sell it because I still didn't have a day free of cravings. After about a year, I got a bike to ride to and from work, with a check-in phone call as soon as I got there. 

That craving-free day day became a reality 4 years later. I finally bought a car again, only to discover that I didn't like driving anymore!

Don't ever be alone

I was not a social drug user, and being alone was a trigger for me, so we decided that I should be alone as little as possible. It was probably over a year into the process the first time I was alone without one of the people in my support system.

The only exception to the rule was if I rode my bike to work. It made it pretty much impossible for me to get drugs if I had a moment of weakness. It was one of the more extreme precautions we took, but also very practical. To this day, it is hard for me to be alone. 

Use small changes to cement big ones

My nutrition changes were gradual, but ended up being a big part of my recovery. It started with taking large doses of fish oil to help with brain function. My girlfriend knew a lot about supplements and suggested it. We figured it could help me resist cravings a little easier, by helping with mood regulation. My moods used to change so quickly it scared me, and I was constantly anxious. Fish oil helped, although it was not immediate or drastic. 

Later on I started a multivitamin, and after that started cutting out refined sugar in my diet. Over time I went from eating sour gummy Jolly Ranchers / chocolate chip cookies with whipped cream / a big nasty gooey calzone everyday to eating 3 balanced meals and a few snacks, including vegetables.

My counselor advised me to avoid alcohol, which I did the entire 3 years I was in treatment. 

Eventually I gave up cigarettes, because I needed the lung capacity for running a 5k races and recovering after heavy sets of weight lifting at the gym.

Get new surroundings

Less than a year after entering methadone treatment, I went from being a barista who played music in a punk band and lived in his brothers attic to a blacksmith who painted on the side and had art shows who lived with his girlfriend. It might not seem like much, but it took me one step further into my new life and away from my old one.

Reinvent yourself

Taking good care of myself became more and more of a habit that I decided I wanted to be around people who had the same values. I had learned so much about exercise that after a few years of living my new life, a natural next step was to become a personal trainer, which later turned into becoming a nutrition coach. I started using my writing skills to create educational content for my clients, and I started a blog. The other day I told someone about my past and the reaction was, "I never would have guessed that about you." Success.

Go public

The best way to make sure everyone is watching out for you is to ask them to. I have always let my employer know what I've been through, and asked them to help me stay clean. A few years ago, the local newspaper published a short piece on my recovery. Former addicts approach me and say things like "I could never be public about my past." Why not? Everyone has been touched by addiction, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Why keep it a secret?

People sometimes say stupid things to me like, "I did mushrooms in college once" or, "Do you think weed is a drug?" But full disclosure has drawn everyone including coworkers and clients into my support system. Now I have my entire community holding me accountable.

Remember what's important

Each year near the anniversary of the day I got clean, I go to No Regrets Tattoo Emporium and add a tally mark to my left arm, the same arm that had been pocked with track marks, covered up with makeup from Walgreens. Every time I feel like using, I look at the tally mark tattoo on my arm and think how bad that would hurt to have to remove it, or have to explain to people what I'd lost.

I owe such a huge part of my success to the woman who has seen me at my worst, and still stuck with me. That woman is my wife, Elizabeth, and she is the best thing that ever happened to me. Every time I add to my tattoo, I think how grateful I am to have some of the most amazing people in the world in my corner. That tattoo might represent the years I've been clean, but it also shows how my support system has grown.

Recovery from addiction is hard, and there is not single way to do it right. My success was not linear, and it was not all mapped out from the start. There were a lot of failures that preceded my final, successful stab at it. While the methods used might be different than what is typical, it's working for me and I'm proud of what I've accomplished and who I accomplished it with. 

Don't get all grossed out, it's not made from human bones

Most people act a little squeamish when I mention bone broth. Understandable. To most people it usually brings to mind a human skeleton being boiled in a cauldron while witches dance around it cackling maniacally.

But bone broth is not as gross, wicked or wierd as the name might make it sound. It pretty much has the same taste and texture as any other broth or stock, although sometimes it might be a little darker in color.

Bone broth has been in western culture for a little over a thousand years (1), and in other cultures longer than historical records. For the most part, bone broth (especially from chicken) has well documented health benefits. 

In 2015, bone broth has become a little bit of a rockstar, with publications from Shape magazine to eater.com printing articles about it. Here are some things you should know about it.

Good for the joints

When cold, the liquid has a Jello-like quality because of its high gelatin content. Yes, there's a buttload of collagen in bone broth, but the truth is that it is actually hard for the body to break down and use. What's more important is the amino acids in the bone broth that the body uses to make its own collagen. There is also chondroitin and glucosamine, which are often sold by themselves as supplements, and help with bone and soft tissue formation and remodeling.

Good for the gut

Because of the high concentration of amino acids, specifically L-Glutamine, bone broth helps heal and seal the intestines, making them less permeable. Gut permeability has been shown to be the cause of (or a huge factor in) leaky gut disorders including fibromyalgia, lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, attention deficit and autism spectrum developmental disorders (3).

Good for you, but not a cure-all

If bone broth is the only healthy thing in your life, it won't do a lot for you. People get really excited about new things and  tend to single out this one thing as a game changer. We all tend to do it, it's human nature. That's why here are people who are really into fermenting their own food, but think nothing about diving into 3 servings of mashed potatoes while having just a garnish of green vegetables on their plate. The takeaway is that drinking bone broth will not change your life if you are still eating processed sugars, synthetic and packaged foods, and irresponsibly sourced food.

How to DIY

There are a lot of recipes for bone broth out there, and the most important thing to pay attention to is variables like time, temperature, type of animal bones, and proportion.

Time - most recipes fall between 6-12 hours. The reason for cooking so long is to allow the soft tissues to dissolve and for the mixture to pull minerals out of the bones.

Temperature - high heat destroys the amino acids, so a simmer is best.

Type of animal - there is a lot of evidence to suggest chicken has will benefit the immune system (the chicken soup effect). But personally, I will use any bones I have around based on the Native American belief in using every part of the animal in order to respect its life.

Proportions - how much vinegar and salt is added makes a big difference in taste as well as how well the vinegar pulls minerals out of the bones and soft tissue.

Add-ins - many recipes feature vegetables like garlic, onion, celery, carrots and kale stalks while others are (pun intended) bare bones.

My recipe

In a 7-quart stock pot, combine the following:

- 3 cleaned chicken carcasses or roughly 3 pounds of bones

- 1-2 tbsp unrefined sea salt

- 2 tbsp Bragg's apple cider vinegar

- if I have kale stalks or celery butts left over from meal prep, I add them in. Sometimes if I'm feeling chef-y I add garlic and onion (and maybe some herbs).

- fill to the top with reverse-osmosis filtered water.

Simmer for 10 hours.

Bottle and store in refrigerator for up to 2 weeks (it will actually last longer, but you should be drinking it within two weeks because that's what you are making it for, right?).

 

1. McGee, Harold. 2007. The Science and Lore of the Kitchen http://www.amazon.com/On-Food-Cooking-Science-Kitchen/dp/0684800012/ref=as_sl_pc_qf_sp_asin_til?tag=wethea-20&linkCode=w00&linkId=7SELN4NFPR4JABXY&creativeASIN=0684800012

2. Swarcki, Beth. 2013. Gut Bacteria May Cause Rheumatoid Arthritis http://news.sciencemag.org/biology/2013/11/gut-bacteria-may-cause-rheumatoid-arthritis

3. Campbell-McBride, Natasha. 2010. Gut and Psychology Syndrome http://www.amazon.com/Gut-Psychology-Syndrome-Depression-Schizophrenia/dp/0954852028